#sadbuttrue

my worst fear is that i'll grow up to be mediocre.

last day of break :: calm before the storm

mean but true

sometimes i find the human voice the most irritating noise in the world.

things i learn from tv

=

• the idea that diabetes can be managed through diet is a lie created by white people.
• sexism sells.
• smoking isn't that bad for you. 
• selling drugs can be funny and fun.
• it's okay to get married for all of the wrong reasons.
• black men are rappers, newscasters, athletes OR criminals.
• even if you are a hoarder, you can still get famous.
• buy lots of shoes and you will feel better.
• traveling is free.
• if you get pregnant and you are 16, you can still be a television star.
• excessive drinking is alright, as long as you are attractive.
• it's okay to lie

what to do with all of this knowledge!

#pleaseexplain my fortune

it ain't over.

hello,
welcome back. i hope your christmashannakwanzicha was thrilling, spiritual and filled with unwanted gifts. and for those of you who don't celebrate these holidays, god bless you.


the truth: you are probably fat from the holidays. don't let anyone convince you otherwise. you should be reading this from a treadmill. turn up the incline, cookie monster.

even he knows those pants don't fit you

2012 is upon us and it's cold. the world is still a dreadful place. personally, i was hoping that it would end so that i could be reincarnated as a metallic space lizard, alas, i am still human. this was my face when the clock struck midnight, no one kissed me and life kept moving forward:

do you ever have a moment when you realize the world is unfair -- you see a group of skinny people eating cheeseburgers, you listen to a beautiful person say the stupidest thing, a sweater goes on sale three weeks after you bought it, you lose your keys? mhm, this is exactly how i felt. another day, another dollar and no lizard life for me.


speaking of truth, if you read the news, you will know that the GOP is looking for a candidate to beat President Obama. thus far options are: a tall white male, a round white male, an old white male and rich white male. my prediction: a white male will definitely run against Mr. O. i am sorely disappointed that mr. cain is no longer in the running. i was jonesing for some black on black attack ads. it's just what the world needs.


speaking of black people and white people, i couldn't help but hate that i was not cast in this video:





important questions: why isn't there a white entertainment channel? discuss.


you know what i don't hate: sassy girls. get it:

until next time,


stay mean
but
stay true


xoxo,
meanie

call harvard your home.

if you like white people, asians, cheap beer, investment banking and boat shoes, harvard is the school for you. 

#pleaseexplain

heinous attire:

• uggs
• uggs with skirts
• uggs with pantsuits
• uggs on old people

things that need to stop in the new year:

people getting face tattoos.

chicken, the great political mobilizer of the black community?

sorry i'm not sorry part II

dear professor,

as i skim your textbook

your contribution to academia

your life work

your pride and joy

i fall asleep.

yours truly,

meanie

sorry i'm not sorry

i wish that i had an ipad so that i could be more anti-social.

i have misplaced my glasses, and as a result have an excuse to never say 'hello' to people beyond 30ft.

last night i dreamed that i had magical powers. i did not use them for the betterment of society.

i never answer my phone.

snacks on snacks on snacks

oh yeah.

mean but true

the truth:

sometimes potato chips smell like farts.

exams:

david guetta...

"oh heyyyy there"
"some call me a wolf"
"i swear, this is not a mug shot"
"i write fun club songs with usher"
"your place or mine?"
"i definitely don't shower"

#pleaseexplain

exam period

do you have to say excuse me when you burp inside your mouth? you already tried to be polite by holding it back.

the truth:

there's no need to worry about your bad grades this semester because the world is going to end next year (i.e. 2012).

lady gaga: jesus, seafood and nerdy boys

the truth:

junk food is a drug.

#protest

i refuse to read roman numerals because WE'RE NOT IN ROME!!! 


this is america, we write our numbers in numbers.

a wise person once said...

"most professors are pretty delusional there

it's kind of what makes them harvard professors

they live in a magical world

where random shit matters

and you're cool if you know a lot of shit about something obscure

esoteric

and unimportant to the everyday functioning of the world"

the truth:

paper

hello world,
i used to admire you and your eagerness to impress and inspire, but then some of your inhabitants decided to be professors and to assign papers and projects. i rapidly became overwhelmed, drowning in a paper sea of primary sources and online databases. i grasped for air, but found only paper. 


and then i departed.


meanie

the saddest words to see

huh?

also mean but true

mean but true

pity party

today i realized that i am unexceptional


i am...
not the prettiest, not the smartest, not the funniest, not a harvard celebrity


time to put that enya on replay, get some chocolate and wear a sweatshirt, because i'm having a pity party.

THIS IS AMERICA

stock up on your egg nog
take out that second credit card
and get jolly

because it's on...

give thanks...

it's thanksgiving!

#pleaseexplain

wearing pants that restrict your ability to walk. #unnecessary

prompt for essay III (20% of grade)

Your paper should be 5-6 pages long (double-spaced, 12-pt font). The assignment offers an opportunity for you to exercise your critical reading and writing skills. Please use the knowledge you have gained from course lectures and readings. No additional reading or research is expected.


Describe the qualities of "good" pizza – expand your vocabulary beyond "heavenly," "cheesy" and "life-changing." Please discuss the systematic vilification of pizza by the media. Explore race, gender and sexuality in analyzing the role of pizza in the creation of the "American Dream."


How has Herman Cain contributed to conversations around pizza and manliness? Has Cain provided positive or negative marketing for pizza (on the global level)?  What might you say to a pizza that has claimed that Cain's comments are detrimental to its image and lifestyle choices? 


Please analyze the images below and incorporate them into your essay:

happy holidaze

the gap:

trying to make the world a less beautiful place one ugly boot at a time. #foolishness

x-mas wishlist (part I):

• noise canceling head phones
• a taser
• a star named after me

awkward model face

hype

initially spotted: female asks me how to get a pastry out of the pastry holder. says 'i've never done this before.' i lift it open for her. so easy.

spotted again: female undergraduate comes into the gov dept lounge. approaches two male grad students. starts asking them where to get food. they point her towards the cafe that she just exited. she says 'oh.' then starts asking about how to get into harvard graduate programs. asks if she could sit with them. they say "sure, but we're about to start a problem set though.' she grabs her bags and sits down without hesitation.

i guess she wasn't that hungry.

too eager.makes me laugh/sick.

dream: sleep, reality: library

i love*...

when i walk past someone on friday night and they smell like a cheap open bar. #gum
when people try to take my picture. #awkwardpose
unpaid labor. #emancipationhappened
feeling poor while living in a sea of wealth. #harvardstudents
sneezing #spreadsdisease
humans #needy




*hate

mean but true

Kim Kardashian's ex-publicist says starlet lied about personal life, staged events for publicity

Jonathan Jaxson, Kardashian's publicist from 2007-09, went on the syndicated radio program "Elvis Duran and the Morning Show" to explain how unreal everything in Kardashian's life is.

When asked if Jaxson and Kardashian staged the Reggie Bush proposal he says, "99 percent."

The remaining one percent held all of the truth, all of secrets and all of the love.

pop-ups on my computer

#pleaseSEEME

mr. perry,
you have received an unsatisfactory grade on your oral presentation.


while i appreciated your debate participation, i felt as though you are adding very little to the learning community. i am uncertain of whether you have really engaged with the readings. have you even been doing them? quite frankly, i feel that you are not respecting the debate forum and group norms.


you have a short time to improve your grade before the campaigning season is over. i recommend that you attend office hours and lectures. i know that you can do better, but you need to apply yourself more. running for president is a privilege. please treat it with the respect that it deserves.


if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me, as i'm here to help you. also, i am missing your response paper from last week. mr. perry, get it to me asap.


all the best,
meanie

the truth:

last night i ate a pumpkin and it changed my life.

in light of the rain, protests, failed assignments, tomorrow's holiday, tonight:

#occupyalcohol

don't leave a bottle alone until it talks back to you,

listens to your absurd demands

and becomes 99% of your blood alcohol level.

that's all.

midterm season part II

eharmony user nopaincain11 request for love

hello there,
though i am married, i am currently looking for a jump-off. she should be younger than me, preferably blond. i'm definitely not looking for a woman who talks back! she should know how to take a compliment. ideally, this woman will be one of my employees.

a little bit about me: my name is herman cain. i am currently running to be president of this great nation that we live in. some of my hobbies include singing during press conferences, enjoying blissful ignorance and good old american football.  i'm a cool guy. i know how to use twitter. i treat ladies right!

please don't call me at my home number.
sincerely,
herman

this is a real headline.

herman cain crams knowledge like a college student

million dollar idea of the day:

harvard college buttbook.
(yeah, you're jealous you didn't think of it first)


for all of those times that you recognize a butt, need to network with it, but don't know the face that goes with it. i'm currently seeking investors.

kthanksbye,
meanie

new boyscout ads? boys will be bearded...

public

dear world,
you're still cruel, but now i'm back and shareable -- just like the flu.


xo,
meanie

happy monday

advice for the revolution:

know history.
question power.
protest complicity.
be on time.

#pleaseexplain

why people let their phones ring on vibrate. we can hear it. it's distracting and not silent. #idiots

to:  the street below my window

i love all the no good characters that you attract: the drunks, the early morning carol singers (all year round), the crying the babies and the recycling trucks. thank you to the group of people who convene on sundays with your squeakiest contraptions and use them in unison. sleep is for the weak and those lacking in good moral character.  

please accept my eternal gratitude.

yours truly,

meanie

looking for love

w4m:
you were driving the party shuttle bus back from the quad on friday night. can you please adopt me as your protege? 


m4m:
i saw you trying to buy alcohol last night. they don't accept (fake) library cards as a form of ID in this state.

m4thong:

i saw you last night, peeking out from beneath some jeggings. can I get your number? i’m gonna call you.

w4m:

the sound of you vomiting in my hallway is almost lyrical. now all you need is a drummer and a bass.

midterm season

You have 50 minutes to complete this midterm exam. It counts for 100% of your grade. Please show all of your work. 

1. You enter an intersection traveling 30 mph and someone asks you to define x, y and z. What do you do?

2. A thirty-four year-old man is hula-hooping outside of your house. Please explain all possible outcomes using scientific notation.

3. Please write eight essays on all of the following subjects: Identity, Politics, Race, Science, Economics, Love, Mathematics and the color white. You may only use the space allotted.

4. Sarah's ----- nature allowed her to see the bright side of a situation, even when no one else could.

A. pessimistic
B. hateful
C. malicious
D. murderous
E. sullen

5. On a single plane please graph the United States economy for the next five years. Be sure to address the issues the we have not discussed in class, section or the readings. No outside sources allowed.

6. Please walk out of class. #occupythisshit

what is plan a?

dear school district of america,
please educate your students
thank you,
meanie

By BRIAN McFADDEN

you know what i hate?

people who always try to get the last word.

there's this kid in my lecture who always asks a questions.

always.

like really

can anyone really be that curious?

calm down. take a breath. shut your mouth.

today lecture was over.

4pm on the dot.

and this kid had the nerve to ask a question.

a lame one too.

he killed the mood.

violently.

oh my goodness.

wither away, boy.

and you know what the worst part was?

he got the last word again.

i hate when other people win.

#pleaseexplain

why the weather is so unsatisfactory #thewestcoastisthebestcoast


why i keep smelling buffalo chicken everywhere I go #shame


why i just saw a dog push its owner to the ground #animalcontrol


the rise of man SPANX #huh

computers

mean but true

[source]

REAL AMERICA.

12 Year Old Girls Switched at Birth

Two Russian families are currently suing their local maternity hospital for giving them the wrong babies twelve years ago...

enough!

1. rain. enough. i've got it. you're really good at ruining my day.

2. math. enough. you're kicking my ass. we've established that you always win.

3. uggs. enough. we know that you're very cozy and comfortable, but let's face it, you're very ugly.

4. Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Willard “Mitt” Romney. enough. you scare me.

real life

Currying Danger: Spice Contest Puts Two In Hospital

the truth:

sometimes i see people tipping back on their chairs and hope that they fall.

so tired of assholes. #harvard #wallstreet #BOA #boys

#protestcomplicity

do you remember a time when protests


brought equality. 
influenced a president. 
inspired a country.
challenged our complicity.


i was only born a little while ago, so my answer is no.


what's going on with america? what's going on with our banks, our government, our economy, our education system, our public transportation


#pleaseexplain why we can be bolder than ever from behind the screen of our computers yet shy in the face of things we hate the most

re: #tryingtoohard

wutang clan shirt at the gap

i have too many questions about this.

REAL AMERICA.

creepy...

newbury street

shop with the rich
feel like the rich
until you take out your card
and
remember
you're a kid

not the rich kind

remember though:
we're on the come up
pretty fly now and nowhere near our
prime

one day the thrown will be
all ours
and we can share
if we please

GOOD Magazine No-Charts

shhh

sometimes i wonder why humans were given the gift of speech, especially when i'm trying to get out of class and people just keep on asking questions #tooeager #cruel #overprivelegedpeopleproblems #ungratefulbrat #callmelazy #underachieving

the truth

[source]

bro problems:

i'm busy drinking in the hall, leaving my beer cans on shelves and vomiting near your door
get off my back
i'm a bro


[can't a bro catch a break?]

does anyone really bring pajamas?

"Wanna spend the night? Don't bring pajamas

Man there's so much heat beneath these clothes"

-Gwen Stefani "Yummy"

re: #pleaseexplain

#pleaseexplain why people find watching soccer so interesting:

[source]

right right. how could i forget.

things i love

being on hold
being on hold for 5 minutes
being on hold for 30 minutes
being on hold for an hour
being told that there's nothing that can be done

#pleaseexplain

why my dorm looks like a juvenile detention facility. more importantly, #pleaseexplain why i am living in a dorm.

play: 60 second inbox games

1. illegal substance

2. crushed controlled substance

3. combination of 1 and 2

4. toiletries

5. trash

6. ice

7. snacks on snacks on snacks

8. water

9. colored water

10. jello

11. jello and alcohol

12. candy corn

13. pencils

14. socks

15. more snacks

16. other zippered plastic bags

17. frosting

18. spare change

19. nada